Ladies of the Dinner Table
Sexism and Reverse Sexism in Tabletop Gaming
The more things change, the more they stay the same. It still can suck being “a girl gamer” in 2023. Originally published at the now-defunct alt-erotica/porn site “Geek Girls Online” in 2007
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Gaming is traditionally the realm of men. Even the majority of character types and archetypes in traditional table-top and pencil and paper RPG games are very masculine. Warriors, Barbarians, Ogres, Soldiers, Magicians, Monks, all are stereotypically male character types. Only in the last decade have games begun even offering classes that specifically appeal to young women and female players. However, strong female classes are still a rarity. Games try appeal to younger female players by offering traditionally feminine familiars and classes associated with feminine archetypal creatures such as the Unicorn and the Pegasus, game developers know girls like horses and magic horses and therefore use them to appeal to the female gender like all women are the same.
There are also fine examples of strong positive female characters in fantasy if one looks at Eowyn as a role model and not at the passive Arwen of Lord of the Rings. Strong female characters do not even have to be Amazons like Xena. Any woman can role-play a warrior-princess. Women have a place at the dinner table and as part of the old boys network of the gaming group
Yes, ladies at the dinner table are different, but in no way are they inferior or so different that they cannot be the most vicious and important fighter in a party. By no means should ovaries be used as an excuse to treat a player as weaker, ignorant, unskilled or to force a female player to play a character that serves in a more supportive passive role. With statistics as high as one in four women having been a survivor of sexual abuse or rape, there needs to be a general tacit respect for women and the avoidance of specifically psychologically triggering acts within a game.
No game needs to be to played walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting a women, all one must do is act like mature adults and not hormonally-overloaded and socially-inept geeks (even if the fact is, many gamers of both genders simply are such, but shall eventually and hopefully outgrow this phase, although some never do outgrow this phase of stupidity or awkwardness). Nor should the presence of a female member of the species at the dinner table ever mean she is there to be treated as an object, abused, degraded or sexually harassed, in game or not.
Women are completely as capable as men in gaming and there is a great deal of sexism, harassment, and bias that players and GM's must look for and try to prevent. The good player and GM also works to correct sexism when they see it in their games. Women players must not be afraid of players or or GM who are being a sexist pig. The gaming table is a place where all should feel creative and welcome. Sexism is not an issue that should be kept silent in the name of group cohesion. It is not a good group or gaming environment if anyone is insulted and degraded constantly on the basis of their biology.
Some examples of sexism and triggers that are and can be perceived as problematic and can cause discomfort or problems in a gaming party are unnecessary flirting in and out of game, excessive or setting inappropriate flirting both in and out of game, manhandling of female characters or worse, and the completely unacceptable sexual harassment and manhandling of any female players.
Another problem is having exclusively passive female NPCs and the portrayal of all female characters as being whores or victims in the game, with perhaps the only exception being the player character(s) of the female gamer(s). Players and the GM have to be on look out for rude whispered comments and gestures OOC and be aware of having non-consensual bondage and non-consensual sexual or adult situations recurrent in the game. “Yes” is “yes” and “no” is a complete sentence. Characters are survivors not victims.
Simple things such as women characters in the stocks being chastised for being fishwives each and every game or forcing a female player to play a game ran in settings with sexually repressive laws that make a female character actually impossible to play properly as created, or the forcing of female players to play male characters are just other forms of sexism. Another trigger point is an unnecessary focus by opponents and NPC's targeting only the female characters or having the women characters targeted or singled out for attacks requiring the rest of the party to protect these delicate flowers of womanhood.
Also negative and damaging is the damsels always helpless and in distress needing rescuing also known as the Princess Zelda trope and having female characters always in peril and being in need of rescue by a male. Showing women in games to be incapable of doing anything for themselves also sets a dangerous sexist implication. The "useless female" NPC stereotype is something to be actively avoided to eliminate sexism in a game. Creating believable, capable and mature female PCs and NPCs set a great example for female gamers and earns respect from woman gamers.
The GM reveals sexism if all female NPC's are flirtatious, slutty or must be seduced to assist plot. In game sex should not be the exclusive means to further a plot or get information. The most uncomfortable and painful form of misogyny and sexism is rape in game. There have been countless cases of rape in role-playing games of all settings. As a longtime gamer myself, I recall being in my high school gaming group and being forced to issue ultimatums such as "If one more of you rape my elf, I am gonna stick my character sheet where the sun doesn't shine!". My outburst changed the tone of game quite a bit- and I, nor my character, were not treated as poorly in game after I stood up for myself.
Other female gamers report the same situation and not all will decry this perversity and mistreatment of a female player who portrays a female character. It is not acceptable is the player whose"bad guy" PC is a serial rapist of all female player characters and NPCs. Sexual predation is always to be punished and should not be tolerated by male and female gamers alike. No female player should have to defend herself repeatedly from in-game rape, persecution for their sex, and predatory behaviors from male party members or the GM, in or out of character. There is no room at the dinner table for being a "butt-marmot". There are also other subtle forms of sexual exploitation and aggression, such as keeping a female PC always pregnant and out of the majority of the game and out of active play. A GM benefits and helps all his players develop social skills by not portraying all female NPCs as victims or sexually available and thus not propagating harmful and sexist myths about women.
Male gamers often look at female gamers as a novelty and have attitudes towards women that can alienate or even repel the female gamer. There are behaviors and ways of addressing a female in game would not even be acceptable amongst a group of gentlemen even. There are some words that should never be used around women while gaming. There is a right way to treat a lady at the dinner table and that way is exactly how you would treat anyone else you respect.
Ignore their appearance and focus on their character and contributions to game. Having breasts does not matter, how well one role plays does matter and ones real life charisma score should never be taken into account by a good player or GM. Profanities that refer to the female body are wholly inappropriate and will make a woman gamer very upset. Women are not to be treated as sexual objects. For example, there was a gamer we shall call K, who was a rather large fellow and who admittedly, was poorly socialized due to the fact that his weight made him a target for bullying when he was a kid. K liked to play female characters, or rather his fantasy ideal of what such characters should be. His concept of how women behaved were derived entirely from porn and B-movies. It was not uncommon for his characters to try to seduce and have sex with various male & female PCs and NPCs. Such behavior was so interruptive and disgusting to his gaming group and the ladies in it that they sought to break this behavior by having his character face in-game repercussions for his chronic bad behavior and poor roleplay. It took a session in which where one of his female PCs was arrested and put on trial and a further session where one of his male characters (who frequently sought out the nearest brothel) found his "romantic" escapades disrupted by a prankster cleric/thief to get the message that women and female PCs were not there to be seduced, raped or sexually hit upon and that the image of women as shown in classic fantasy artwork was not how women and female characters really were.
In first edition AD&D (1980 release), there was once a Harlot Chart in the Dungeon Masters Guide that gave a GM twelve flavors of harlot to randomly choose from for encounters with the ladies of the night. It was never repeated in other editions and newer versions of AD&D as it was the endless source of giggles and smirks from gangly teen-aged boy gamers. It was the sign of its times that there would be willing wenches a plenty in the male-created and dominated fantasy worlds of early tabletop games. It was also important to know what other than exotic fictional venereal diseases, commerce with whores had chances to be beneficial to plot according to the table. Games keep up to date with the era and 1980 was in the midst of a cultural revolution for women in the business place.
I have even heard that "There are no girls in World of Warcraft" and that all the female characters were played by males, I know nearly a hundred women who play and many have epic level characters of both genders. My own wasband had to deal with unwarranted and unwanted sexual advances simply because he was portraying a female character. The odds are pretty unknowingly that the person who is playing the Night Elf in her undies table dancing for tips is more likely male than female. In online and other RPG's, it is often much easier to set aside gender bias and such that would come from traditional face to face gaming. This can be both a blessing and an annoyance with the anonymity of these types of popular RPGs.
The players have to watch and curb such behavior and a responsible GM will use game to create ramifications coming from such sexual aggression such as some incurable nasty creative disease that results in a very humbling but fun adventure for the entire group and making him apologize to the women at the table who have been insulted by such rude and disrespectful behavior as a woman character and against female characters.
In some gaming groups, just like in social groups, women are shown prejudice based on appearance and are called insulting and degrading names. Their physical appearance is picked upon by players and make the woman uncomfortable. I have heard of several cases of weight-discrimination against women who wanted to game. One need not be beautiful to game and it is not the right of anyone in a gaming group to verbally abuse and tease another player. This behavior can be overlooked and corrected in Kindergarten, but not excused amongst teens or adults around a dining room table. Even if one still games in their mother's basement, no one should ever be made to feel bad about themselves or uncomfortable at game. Games have ended due to teasing and mean jokes made at the expense of a female player. Some female gamers can and do use their own sexuality and reverse lookism as a way of garnering favor, advantages and perks in game and that likewise cannot be allowed by players or a GM.
Gender bias or debasement, in either direction, has no room in a good game or a good gaming group.One male GM admitted his own sexism as a young GM and how he could have better handled a situation in an interview when he said "Alas, back when I was younger and far more foolish, I got involved in this.A female player's (we had a couple) character had tripped a trap that shot a spike up from the floor.One of the younger male players wanted to know if it'd hit her in the crotch (it's been 20 years, so I don't remember the exact wording other than it was a lot less "sensitive" than that, but not totally awful). She naturally got upset with him. And several of the other younger players chimed in on his side. Being a clueless git, I stupidly "solved" the problem by rolling for hit location. And I was even dumber in not fudging the roll. It did hit her there. She didn't leave, but she never came to another game either. What I *should* have done was say something like "No, it didn't. And by the way *your* character tripped another and it got you in the balls."
There are positive and creative ways to handle such awkward and uncomfortable situations for both the GM and the player and things to look for that may show there is a problem with sexism in the game.
One of the most offensive and sexists GMs actually had house rules that all female characters had to have a negative modifier on strength and constitution simply because certain PC's were female and could not possibly be as strong as men, even in a fantasy setting, but he also did not give positive modifiers in other categories where women generally are perceived as better than men such as charisma, wisdom or dexterity.
Some GM's also make a girls first gaming experience a test, such as giving a wizard character played by a young woman all the spells that sounded dirty to test her mettle and assertiveness. A good player would call the GM on it immediately and any player can choose her own spell and need not only have ones chosen for them that make teenage boys giggle and blush such as “Mouth”, “Grease” and “Shocking Grasp”. Such a sexist attitude at early games can make a girl never want to join the guys around the dinner table at all. Due to such bad early gaming experiences and gender bias such as the now famous “No b****** at the table” declaration by a now-notorious con GM which has become a Internet and T-shirt phenomena.
This attitude of women not being welcome and called such a pejorative term can make a female gamer give up gaming as the environment is not welcoming to her and RPG's do not provide the same creatively driven and teamwork experience for her as it does for the other gamers in the party who have different genitalia. As a result, female gamers have a much harder time finding a group.
It is a challenge for a female gamer to find a group where one one is respected and feels safe, even if married to a male in that gaming group. My own experience of playing one of the most martial and violent PC's in our Exalted Lunars game and glad we have an ST and players that allow and understand women can be the bad-asses in game as well as men. The funniest example of sexism I have seen is the "Moonphase/PMS Table" used by one creative GM to force female PCs to be even more traditionally and stereotypically female though the table was also sexist in that it hindered female characters for simply being female and menstruating. Estrogen variance is not a reason to punish a player or their character.
Women also take great umbrage at being perceived as being unable to do the mathematics required for character creation. Women are mathematicians and me, I just need a calculator. Never assume women are mathematically challenged. Most players can calculate what their rolls are themselves and know how much damage their attacks can do. Some women are the most awesome and rules lawyers, brutal munchkins and min-maxer's that ever lived. Women are not there to get the beers for the other players and don't like to just hang out in the marketplace in character to go shopping. The war axe wielding barbarian half-orc is not Barbie even if played by a Barbara. In mixed-gender gaming groups over thirty years old, whoever is standing up gets to be the pack-mule from the trip to the kitchen. Other players and GM's need to allow the ladies of the dinner table to control their own character creation process and if a woman can crunch numbers better than a guy, trust their awesome math skills. Being cute or condescending and double checking a woman's calculations is insulting and degrading as my friend Kira documented for my research that she "was running a D&D game and the characters were traveling from point A to B as part of an hoped for plot hook taken. The players were offered by a NPC a magical mode that was not instantaneous to get there. I had figured out, as part of my preparation, the time that would elapse based off of the speed of travel and the distance. One player decided it would be cute to condescend to me to ask exactly how I figured out the time... so I showed him my table of distance/duration/speed. He proceeded to pull out a map of the realm, and the spell being used for transport and his calculator. Myself and the other female that were present got up to get coffee. We figured it would give me a chance to not get pissed at my friends and allow them to get it out of their system. When I returned they were still 'on it' and wanted to show me how I was off by a few hours. That was the last game I ran with that group (and I've since divorced the instigator of this situation)". Yes, treating a woman in a disrespectful manner at the dinner table along with other abuses can even lead to divorce.
Women are frequently pressured to play healers, clerics, softer, more supportive, traditionally more feminine roles, esp in their first games. This serves to potentially turn off a woman towards gaming if she has a great concept for a more classical considered masculine character type such as a paladin or fighter. Other players and GM's maligning a woman players character concept because it is not “girly” enough is completely unacceptable in gaming. The older and/or more mature women are even more willing to play assertive characters and will speak out against being typecast more frequently as experience at the table has taught them to be stronger if the token female or in the gender minority of the gaming group. A GM needs to be prepared for sexism and the tempers of his players flaring, even to the degree of food and drink flying. Players need to acknowledge that women are capable and even awesome portraying traditionally masculine concepts and archetypes in games. In gaming, the only limiting factor is imagination and no one has any right to oppress or insult a person for using their imagination as much as another players is not using theirs.
Female gamers are often too afraid to speak out against sexism as they want to preserve the gaming party more than speak out against ignorance or unacceptable behavior from the rest of the gaming group or GM. Many female gamers are also as socially awkward as the boys and are survivors of sex crimes or harassment for being a geek gal and should not have to also deal with such in a fantasy or game setting. The only time a woman should be on the defensive in when her character is making a defensive action.
Female gamers are not delicate flowers however, they must be acknowledged as being female. Some female gamers remain silent when their characters are repeatedly abused by the group or the GM in the name of group cohesiveness. Keeping the party together is a reason why some women will suffer indignities by the dozen and many male gamers when they've seen this happen have simply attributed it to shyness, rather than group cohesion being her motivation for tolerating wrongs. If a women is suffering in silence, a GM must wonder why and stop the suffering and disgraceful behavior in or out of character. There is a need for consequences for ones actions in game. Female gamers may have just as poor social skills as the archetypal male gamer and fear speaking out against the abuse for fear of not being allowed to play any more or for fear of pointing fingers and laying blame on another gamer.
A female gamer must feel safe enough to speak out privately or publicly to the players or GM who is being a sexist pig. One male gamer even claimed that his all male party was being picked on horribly and faced unbearable odds until the party had a magical change of fortune for his gaming party once someone created a PC that embodied the GM's ideal female character. Even the men can see and be uncomfortable with sexism. It is not just a womans issue. It is not an issue that should be kept silent in the name of group cohesion as it is not a good group if someone is insulted and degraded constantly. Girl gamers need to be strong enough to speak out and defend themselves if they see sexually charged wrong doings and or are wronged themselves. One can only do so in a good gaming group where there is respect and camaraderie out of game generally.
Ovaries are also not the only cause of sexism and problems in a gaming group. Sexual orientation and identity also can cause the gamer and GM unnecessary problems. LGBTQA+ gamers often have the exact same experience. Sexual orientation has absolutely nothing to do which ones role-playing and gaming skill or experience and all players should be treated equally and held to the same standards. They should be treated out of character as their chosen gender and in game if playing the identified with gender just like the women they are portraying and should be allowed to do. A good group will show respect towards ones chosen gender and not make it the undue focus of how a character is treated and certainly never allow it to effect how a player is treated. Players should be willing to assert themselves and speak out against the sexism and correct a GM and a GM must be willing to give repercussions to a player or players who cannot deal with a woman or female-identified person.
The mature GM makes sure they are consequences to players who ruin the fun of others and treat others in the party in a demeaning, disrespectful and lewd manner. One horribly cruel and asocial gaming group hurt a former member of the group by allowing their collective homophobia appear in the guise that all female player characters played by males were lesbians and "gay" used as an in-game and out of game epithet that deeply offended a lesbian group member. One player told me a shocking story of sex roles and humilatation that occured after she missed a gaming session due to important real life issues. At the next game the all-male party made her character dress up in a french maid's outfit and do unflattering sexual things. She consented but begrudgingly and the experience made her bitter and made her leave the gaming party in question. She knew she should have said no but at the time was not assertive. This same group of people also believed that lesbianism was just a phase that women all left when they got near thirty. The gaming party as a whole should not allow bad behavior to have a blind eye turned to it and should be able to express grievances in the gaming group. There should always be time for a time out and open communication and problem resolution.
Gender stereotyping and gender choices in player characters can also bring sexism into the forefront and be an issue in a game. Male players and GMs may feel a female player must play a female character and feel that a woman is incapable of portraying a male character. Being forced to play the token female in the gaming party can cause resentment in some groups and can limit a players role in game. If the fairy princess is played by a burley lumberjack than it is only reasonable to allow the brave prince to be played by a pretty woman. Countless gaming ladies complained in my research about being harangued, laughed at and challenged for choosing to roleplay a character of the opposite sex. Breasts or a hairy chest are not the deciding factor in character gender assignment or choices and a woman is as capable of role-playing a male as a male is capable of playing a female. The best roleplayers of any gender try to avoid gender role stereotypes entirely and keep their portrayal of characters of the other gender as fully realistic and three-dimensional as possible. A gamer should only allow their own creativity and roleplaying skill dictate what they play, not their biology or a bias from a GM or other players.
As the indie movie "Geekin'- A Tale of Love, Jealousy and 20-sided Die" showed, a co-ed gaming group can be a bit more socially complicated than an all boys or all girls gaming group. One single girl at the table can make guys turn into morons sometimes. It happens, it's human nature. Female gamers want to game. They may not be there to meet men and just find a boyfriend. Ladies want to get their geek on, not always their groove on, so do not treat the breast-blessed player like a man-hunter or a target. The 'problem' is when couple pairings do happen (as is natural, if interests are similar), it then enforces the perception that a girl is only in the group to get a boyfriend or is only there as a sidekick to the male gaming group member. Ladies are not for decor, they are for the goals of the party in game and an equal part.
My own first PC was my boyfriend at the times cleric sidekick wife whose entire purpose and role was to buff the party and be a good luck charm.. I was told what to play and got a pre-generated character sheet even. I wanted to play a rogue once I knew they existed. I was not even given sourcebooks or the ability to choose. I was simply told to play and follow their leads and stay out of range. Sometimes girlfriends and their dice bag are dragged to game and sometimes they drag their boyfriend and dice bag to the table. Many pairings in game are artificial or forced on female players and new girls at the table are sometimes forced to play the sidekick to their boyfriends and never have creative autonomy in the game. They learn the game but are not a part of it beyond being an adjunct or trophy. This disparity can occur even to veteran gamer couples who insist on always playing characters that are romantically involved.
Another problem with the sexes can be when an exclusively in-game romance is taken seriously by one player and not the other one. It is also an unwise assumption that all females in a game want romance and a love interest simply because they are a woman and woman are supposed to want romance. Unrequited love that comes from an in-character romance that is taken out of character is a serious problem in a gaming group. The rejection can ruin game for an entire group and while romance and gaming sometime mix, something that is IC should never cause a problem to the group or GM outside the game and away from the table and dice. In-character love and infatuation can cross over to reality, and the advances are not always wanted or welcome.
Some in game courtships may be a thinly veiled attempt to date the player and such situations need to be clarified by the players to make sure no feelings are hurt and cause a gaming group to blow up when the courtship is turned down outside of game or steps on the existing relationship between the object of affection and their significant other who is also a member of the party.. This can make game a social nightmare and make players uncomfortable. It is not always the best idea to have game characters reflect reality. Relationship problems out of game can even be dragged in game and ruin the fun and camaraderie for everyone. If the relationship ends, often the game is ended due to the separation of the couple, the she said/he said nonsense out of game and social situations forcing one or both of the players into leaving the game.
An imploding romance or a couple about to divorce make a difficult challenge for both GM and players to handle. It requires maturity and good judgement to not allow out of game social politics to effect the game and the gaming group. No one should ever be pressured to play in a gaming group where they would be uncomfortable, especially for the sake of keeping the in-character gaming party intact. Another situation that can cause discomfort is when a potentially adult or steamy scene is offered to be live-action roleplayed out. While sometimes a joke, such suggestions are not always made in jest and can cause a sexually-charged and inappropriate situation amongst gamers. Just say no.
The ladies of the dinner table are also not perfect. The girls are guilty as well of causing and encouraging sexism and using sex and personality as a two-handed +5 magical bastard sword against the gaming party. There are female gamers who will try to use their sexuality out of character to influence the IC game. The gamer girl who is always showing off her cleavage and flirting across the table is distracting to game and can even be disruptive. Such juvenile and attention-seeking behavior from any player of any gender should not be tolerated. Roll dice, not eyes, dress comfortable, it’s not a nightclub!
One also cannot and will not forget the ladies who think their romantic involvement with the GM grants them special plot immunity, weapons, levels, char classes, relics,and other overpowered items that unbalance game and ruin the fun for all. The finest example I have seen was part of a gaming group in which the GM still burned a torch for his ex-girlfriend who took advantage of him in myriad ways both in life and in game. She was permitted to play a grossly overpowered PC of a class that was not even written up in the books (we all were sure fairies and dragons did not breed without causing the fairies to explode) while the rest of the party had to create standard characters straight from the rule. Her unique character was destructive to game and unbalancing to the entire game as it caused damage reduction for the rest of the party. We couldn’t fight anything with her character weakening us to do more damage on her attacks only.
There are always gamers who try to exploit their out of character relationships to a gaming party members and even GMs can be taken in by this. The "I'm sleeping with the GM, therefore I get extra loot and experience points" attitude is something everyone should be on the look out for and not tolerate. Sexual favors in exchange for in game perks is a cheapening exchange to both in the bargain and deserves to be looked down upon. Sexuality and personal relationships when not at the gaming table should never be allowed to be a cause for favoritism. Some female gamers reported getting XP bonuses for cooking for their all male gaming groups and while they agreed to it, they were not sure it was deserved xp. Being a maid or a bang made to the GM does not grant you XP bonuses in game. It should only get you a thank you and appreciation from the players can you make dinner for
Some women enjoy being a den mom to the gaming group but other than appreciation, it should not be rewarded in game via game rewards or through game mechanics favoring their character except by choice of the entire gaming group. If a group approves it, she deserves the rewards for the keeping of the group fed and happy. It is not sexism if one is willing to serve as den mother, so praise and kudos are deserved. Appreciate the gal gamer who cleans up and cooks for the guys. She worked hard clearing the bag of snack foods away and doing the recycling. Of course you guys could’ve done that yourself . The surest way to a GM's heart and that of players in through their tummies is wretched advice and a full tummy alone is no cause for favortism. No favoritism should be shown ever, especially if based wholly on gender or real life attachments. Favoritism is to be frowned upon. Smart players and fair and wise GM enact a "No special privileges to girlfriends or wives" rule and apply it in all their games
There is also the problem of reverse sexism. There are male GM's and gaming groups whose fawning and accommodativeness can make a female player uncomfortable. Rather than being treated as a equal, the entire game and gaming group focuses around the female player and her character. This places pressure on the player and alienates her from being part of gaming group as a whole by setting her apart. The limelight can make her uneasy and too many men fawning for attention and praising her in and out of character for being a gamer girl can drive a woman away from a group.
As one of the female gamers I interviewed reported "They were giving me more special attention than the rest of the group, though. On one hand I appreciated it and the sentiment behind it. On the other hand, it became one more way that it just felt weird being in that group. I eventually left the group". Another example of reverse sexism is as reported by another female gamer "a GM who really, really, really wanted to date me, and occasionally crashed on my couch for the weekend after he moved out of town, would take the opportunity for private RP sessions (yes, really!) in which my character would interact with NPC's and in the process earn a ludicrously disproportionate amount of karma (we were playing Shadowrun). It was probably kind of naive of me (and the interest was completely one-sided), but I didn't think anything of it at the time, until said GM reacted badly to me starting to date another one of the players". A player or GM placing a female player and her characters in the spotlight and giving her advantages can be as unwelcome as being biased against a female player, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing and moderation and equality are required of GMs and players in a mixed-gender gaming groups.
One long long time veteran of the gaming table expressed her own experiences with sexism and reverse sexism as thus- "A long, long time ago, I used to game with a group of butt-marmots. Example the First....I was the cook. It was expected that I - as the only girl in the group - would be the provider of home-cooked meal for the group. Example the Second...I was the maid. Games often happened at my house as I had the most space. Place would get trashed and *no one* offered to help pick up. Soda cans, empty chip bags, etc. etc. Example the Third....I was the sex/love/virgin/slut. My character had more love interests, more tentacular action, more needing to be rescued than any other other players. Didn't matter if I was playing a boy or a girl. It also didn't matter what I wanted or how I played. Often, the GM would simply cut-scene me into whatever role he needed for my character to play."
Both forms of sexism can co-exist and sadly be tolerated. However, sexism of any form should not be tolerated. Sometimes a gamer gal, merely wants to simply be treated as one of the guys and as a peer, not special and unique because of her gender and the fact she debunks the ridiculous urban legend that "Girls don't play RPGs".
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